I decided to check out web cameras in my home country, which I left years ago. I traveled there once, two years back. The cameras showed me traffic on certain streets. It was night time.
There they were - the cars, traffic lights, and the buildings. A surge of nostalgia enveloped me. It was overwhelming to the near point of tears. All those streets and buildings were so mine! I breathed them for almost my entire life. They were my reality until it changed. Now I'm looking back at the past, which, in fact, is the present. Do I want to go back? To live there again? This love that I have for my home country is still there, deep down, burning. Or is it just familiarity? If it's love, shouldn't I want to live there? Maybe. But there's a reason why I left. Could I come back years later? Something whispers to me that I could. But I will still have ties to the States. I won't break them because it's become my new home. Can I have two homes then? Yes, I can. And maybe in the future I will be able to experience those homes in sequence. A thought like that makes me feel relieved. Carrying love for my first home is envigorating, even though that home is far, far away.
Check out my home
Home is a relative concept. As a society, humans have made home a physical place, which consists of something that is concrete to make us feel more stabilized. When I think of home, I think of comfortability and feeling at ease. There is always a yearning that one feels for the familiar. Be careful not to confuse the two, because when one goes for the familiar instead of what's necessary for growth, one becomes stifled and stagnated.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I was contemplating. I'm aware of the fact that my pull stems from the familiar. There's a reason why I left. That's why I said that ideally I would have two alternating homes and that I would stay in the States by default, occasionally visiting my other home.
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