August 29, 2010

My Life - My Choices

I've been thinking lately how I'd let my behaviors, decisions and life flow to be severely influenced by everything external, such as customs, social norms, family convictions, and eventually my own perception of things, ingrained in me while I was growing up. Looking at my life at the moment, I confess that I have no contentment in any areas.
Reflecting on the reasons, I understood that whatever I am or have has been solely my personal choice, whether it was conscious or unconscious. I asked myself two questions: "What is it all about?" and "What can be done about it?"
I let go of the responsibility for my own life years ago, without realizing it. I went with the flow of the family, society, friends. But I didn't go with the flow of myself. Someone determined for me what I could or could not do; what I could or could not be; and what I could or could not think.
Trying to blend and fit in, I adjusted, because it was "better." But I never asked a question "Better for whom?"
It wasn't better for me because my true desires were largely ignored. Until now.
Asking myself, what I want to be, do or have, I inevitably confront a wall of my own limited mind. The profound sense of discontentment pushes me to break that wall because it doesn't make sense anymore to live my life the way someone/something else tells me to. In reality, no one cares. I've made choices to appease someone/something that doesn't even care about my happiness. So it's time to start caring for myself.
I have this unique chance on this Earth to live my life the way I want to, which means that obstacles are irrelevant. Obstacles are empty concepts, acquiring weight only through our limited beliefs. The water doesn't care how many stones it meets - it keeps flowing around until it reaches a place where it wants to be. And even then it still goes further.
I have a choice to get discouraged and stop pursuing my dreams because it's too difficult, too slow, too impossible, too improbable, too late, too whatever. It wouldn't matter to anyone.
Or I have a choice to move on, persistently finding my way around. It would matter to me.
I deserve to be and have whatever I want, no matter how outlandish it looks like. Why? Because it's my life, my gift.

August 28, 2010

Answered Prayers

When we pray, we don't know if the prayers are answered. We hope they are but we can't put our finger on it.
But just because we can't see or touch the outcome, doesn't mean that it's not there. We don't make 99% of connections between the cause and effect anyway, but we're at least capable of realizing this fact.
If we ask for a blue Jeep and the blue Jeep isn't there the next day, we see that the prayer hasn't been answered the way we expected. Yet, there are other prayers we have, for peace of mind, a successful outcome of a certain situation, an insight about something, courage, or other intangible things.
The more we're in touch with ourselves, the more we can recognize that the prayers are answered. But it happens the way it's best for us. Whatever the outcome of a certain situation is, it's always beneficial for us. The insight we had may not even look like an insight, yet it's there. Courage may have grown, maybe not so explicitly, but in the form of a single thought that pushes us forward. But it may not look that way because we have different expectations.
We're always assisted by people here on Earth as well as other beings whom we can't see. We're not meant to do and achieve everything on our own. In fact, there's no such thing as "on our own" because Life cooperates with us by default at all times.


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