May 29, 2012

Doors, Open

Lately, life has given me situations from which there was seemingly no escape. I felt doomed one instance after another. I felt how my faith in life started to dwindle and the more load was put on my back, the more I hunched over to the ground. I've been down to the ground before, but something new was happening this time. I noticed how I actively refused to give up. I just couldn't afford it. It was very clear - the situation was really bad and the usual voice told me, "Pfft, what's there to hope for? It's not gonna happen. There's no light at the end of the tunnel." But then there was another voice that said, "No, no, it doesn't matter how bad it is, push through because you have no other acceptable choice." Indeed, the choice to give up was not acceptable. What would I gain? I believe I'd gain an even worse situation. Do I want it? No. So, I forced myself to have faith and then I noticed that it wasn't really that hard. How do I know that tomorrow or even today things will not change for the better? How do I know that the next moment life will not resolve itself? I don't. Therefore, I consciously chose faith and it didn't let me down. Over and over, it didn't let me down. I kept the doors open and let life do its thing. As a result I feel empowered. I wonder if it becomes a habit, how my life would truly change...

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