There are times, when no matter what I do, it's never enough for others. The world and people in it exert certain expectations on me that I've learned to desperately meet. Trying to be perfect is what has propelled me forward in many life endeavors. However, there are times, when, according to objective standards, I was perfect, yet some people didn't consider me such. Could I get more perfect? Should I try harder and harder to obtain approval and appease my sense of anxiety? I have. And it turned to be exhausting. Eventually, the reward of being perfect has too high of a price. At some point I have to deal with the fact that no matter what I do, I won't be approved by everyone. For some, I'll be flawed, not intelligent enough, not insightful enough, not articulate enough, or not creative enough. Either I keep running like a squirrel in a wheel or I abandon this ridiculous and self-harming quest. Jumping off the wheel still hurts and the critical feedback from others after I've worked so hard still exerts its power on me, but it doesn't have to overpower me. Slowly moving forward and allowing myself to be disapproved by others is what the journey is truly about. This is another road toward freedom.
On one hand everyone is right in their own eyes so external guidance can help us live objectively. But on the other, it can be an unnecessary and harmful burden to meet the standards of others. Maybe just seek balance. Don't jump out of the wheel, but maybe slow down to your own pace and take a path that you can enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI have started to advocate for balance in and within all areas of life, so I agree with your suggestion. The wheel that I intend to jump off of pertains to the perpetual striving to be approved in the face of my hard work. My usual logic is "If I bust my butt, it should be positively evaluated by others," but it needs to change to "I busted my butt, but it doesn't have to be positively evaluated." Tuning into others' feedback is a valuable tool for self-discovery and growth; however, it can enslave us in the end.
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