Reflecting on the reasons, I understood that whatever I am or have has been solely my personal choice, whether it was conscious or unconscious. I asked myself two questions: "What is it all about?" and "What can be done about it?"
I let go of the responsibility for my own life years ago, without realizing it. I went with the flow of the family, society, friends. But I didn't go with the flow of myself. Someone determined for me what I could or could not do; what I could or could not be; and what I could or could not think.
Trying to blend and fit in, I adjusted, because it was "better." But I never asked a question "Better for whom?"
It wasn't better for me because my true desires were largely ignored. Until now.
Asking myself, what I want to be, do or have, I inevitably confront a wall of my own limited mind. The profound sense of discontentment pushes me to break that wall because it doesn't make sense anymore to live my life the way someone/something else tells me to. In reality, no one cares. I've made choices to appease someone/something that doesn't even care about my happiness. So it's time to start caring for myself.
I have this unique chance on this Earth to live my life the way I want to, which means that obstacles are irrelevant. Obstacles are empty concepts, acquiring weight only through our limited beliefs. The water doesn't care how many stones it meets - it keeps flowing around until it reaches a place where it wants to be. And even then it still goes further.
I have a choice to get discouraged and stop pursuing my dreams because it's too difficult, too slow, too impossible, too improbable, too late, too whatever. It wouldn't matter to anyone.
Or I have a choice to move on, persistently finding my way around. It would matter to me.
I deserve to be and have whatever I want, no matter how outlandish it looks like. Why? Because it's my life, my gift.
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